Maybe it's time that I told you

I am in the middle of orchestrating a career change. Maybe I shouldn't be writing about it on the internet yet. Maybe I shouldn't be telling you. Not because I don't want you to know, but because I don't want my boss to know. Not yet.

But it's getting harder for me to talk about the things on my mind without talking about it so let's just go ahead and get some things out in the open.

Here's the deal. My job is a fine job. Really. No major complaints about it. Except one - it isn't me. As in, the kind of person who is good at this sort of job is someone different from me. And it has taken me some time to figure this out. To learn enough about me to know this isn't a good fit for me. Someone who is a CFO should be organized and timely. They shouldn't mind doing tasks and they should be good at and comfortable with making decisions. Also, they should be good with deadlines.

As in, not me. I like to work with people and gather information and solve problems. I'm not all that organized and I procrastinate and I don't like doing tasks and I hate making decisions. And I have learned that there are rarely hard and fast deadlines in life. So the result is that my current job is anxiety-producing. Chronic acid reflux. Major jaw clenching in my sleep, to the point of waking up with sore teeth and a headache. So I'm beginning the process of doing something else with my life.

The goal, essentially, is to live my life for a living.