Dear God,

I think you'll be happy to know that I am changing my mind about you. Hopefully to truer things.

I think I've stopped believing that I don't deserve to come to you in petition just because I don't pray often enough. And I don't praise you enough. And I don't thank you enough.

I think I've stopped believing that whatever you will do you will do, no matter if I ask for it. And I think I've stopped believing that you always do what is best for me, and that therefore with any request I may make, your only answer is knowing silence. Not that you don't do what is best for me, but that's the only way I can make out prayer being useful or effective. Surely the point of prayer isn't only learning reliance on you. Right?

I think I have stopped believing in hedging my bets. As in, please completely heal this situation. And if you don't do that, then please make it not so bad. And if you don't do that, please help me deal with it better. And if you don't do that, then thank you for getting me through it anyway.

I want to be bold. I want to say, "God, give me this. The end."

Which is strange, since I don't believe you will grant my request. But I ask it anyway. But I don't know why.